Oh, please don't barage me with the questions
to all those lovely answers
My ego's like my stomach
it keeps shitting what I feed it...
and I can hardly get myself out of her bed
for fear of never lying in this bed again
Oh christ -- I'm not that desperate --
oh no, oh god, i am
When I was a complete full time drug user... I was always having a cash-flow issue (obviously- very common. I never sucked dick for money though). I would do the following on a regular basis:
Go to 2 different cash advance places.
Use the Direct Deposit advance on my checking account.
Deposit empty envelopes in the ATM and withdraw cash.
I have no idea how I managed to pay rent or bills. Well, bills is questionable. I definitely had some things go unpaid and get disconnected and/or go to collections. I think a couple of those things are still on my credit.
I also remembered just now about something completely retarded that I did.
A friend of mine sold some kind of crap... Mary Kay or Candles or something... so, she had me do this 'catalogue' party. I gave the catalogue out around work and didn't really care if anyone bought anything. Well, they did. About 400 dollars worth of stuff and they all made the checks out to me and I was supposed to just write one check to the friend of mine for their stuff. I'm sure you know what's coming. I spent their money with a quickness- and of course- had no money of my own to cover it all.
So, my friend orders all the stuff and ships it to me. This was after I had stalled on my co-workers saying that everything took forever and was on back order and what not. One lady had even ordered stuff for Christmas presents and it didn't come in time. Horrible. I paid the lady back eventually... after bouncing a check to her. That is such bad Kharma.
If I was in a 12 step program... I'd have to make amends for that. Now, I just get to feel guilty about it.
People steal from others (friends, family...whoever) to buy drugs. Does mine qualify? Probably.
One of the other ways I'd keep my high was to make friends with dealers...have lots of sex with them and they'd hook me up. It wasn't hooked up in the sense that they'd send me home with extra. It was hooked up in the sense that they shared while I was with them. When you're on a 3 day twisted orgy, crime filled spree- that's just fine.
I was also a 3rd party hookup for loads of folks. This almost always led to a cash exchange (which I passed on to the dealer) and a line or 5 for the road.
On another note: I just cried at work. No one was around... but right when I'm drying my eyes- a coworker came in to the office.
Someone was being an ass to me and I'm already wicked stressed... it was my breaking point apparently. Caught me off guard.
I hate that I feel like I have no time to post. Because I like writing. I also have these 2 drafts I've been working on when I can squeeze it in and they both make me laugh. Sumbitch.
complaints: I'm freezing... and I don't know why... my feet have been cold all freaking day. I have pms. Which for some fucked up reason is probably why I'm cold. I feel super bitchy My husband was gone for several days He's leaving again tonight... for several days Boo.
Sigh. Back to work tomorrow.
Something good. I haven't smoked a cigarette in 4 days. I didn't decide to quit. I had a bit of a cold and smoking always makes it worse. I haven't been craving much... so, I'll go with that. Perhaps I'll officially quit. I don't want to declare quitting because that always seems to make me want to burn one.
Posted by or so i thought ::
9:28 PM ::
